The sickness

We are sick. Which really sucks as I hardly ever get sick. I am achy with a hacking cough. Eleanor is a little achy and stuffy. We both have fevers (99-100). Awesome! Just what I want around my sweet new baby. Hopefully the fact that I'm nursing will help her out. Maybe we should all be drinking it! lol

The birth story of Charlotte James (with some back story)

I'm going to attempt to blog more regularly, even if it is just to vent about my come and go post-partum depression/anxiety. But today I am going to write about the birth of my second sweet girl, and some of the journey that got me there.

On January 19, 2009 I found out I was pregnant....again. Between Eleanor and this pregnancy I had been pregnant 3 times. And had 3 miscarriages. That is a whole other blog post though! This pregnancy came as quite a surprise because of the crazy timing. Jimi and I were working our way back from a pretty rough December. We had done some reconnecting and well, I guess we really connected! Based on my history, I assumed this pregnancy wouldn't stick like the others. But it did.

At our 8 week ultrasound, Eleanor said the baby looked like Eve from Wall-E. She was so happy to see a little baby growing, where others had stopped growing. We were all happy. We decided to find out if it was a boy/girl, and learned we were having a baby girl at our 20 week ultrasound. I thought for sure it was a boy, but Jimi knew it would be a girl. Eleanor wanted to name her Chocolate Marshmallow, which is actually somewhat close to what we chose.

We knew that a job transfer back to Portland from Eugene might come up during the pregnancy, but we figured it would be after the baby came. Ha! At 27 weeks, Jimi was offered a store in Portland. We talked and talked about it, and decided to go for it. I chose OHSU for my OB care since they had water birth as an option there. Once I called they told me they wanted me to see an OB first because of my pre-term labor I had with Eleanor.

Oh, the pre-term labor saga. Eleanor was born at 36 weeks after my going into labor at 32 weeks. I was on bedrest for the 4 weeks before she was born. My dr in Eugene had recommended that I get weekly progesterone shots from 16-36 weeks to reduce the chance of pre-term labor again. I got my weekly shots and hoped for the best. We moved when I was 31 weeks pregnant. At my first visit with my OB at OHSU, she checked me and said I was 3cm and 85% effaced. Awesome! (Not.) So, I was sent up to labor and delivery. I was given lots of meds and stayed for 3 days. No cervical changes so I was sent home on bedrest.

Bedrest was emotionally rough because we had literally just moved, and had lots of unpacking to do. Plus, Eleanor and I couldn't leave the house. We watched a lot of kid's shows that month. Thankfully I have the most amazing friends who came by almost everyday to play with Eleanor and talk to me. Wonderful, wonderful people. I also had my mother blessing at 34 weeks from my couch. This was my first blessing and it was exactly what I needed. I love that all of that positive energy was stirred up in my living room.

At 37 weeks, I was taken off all bedrest. I was at 4cm, and my OB thought I would have the baby right away. Funny lady. Finally at 39 weeks, things were a-changing. I went in for my dr's appt and she found me to be 6cm dilated. I could not believe it. She called up to labor and delivery and they were full. We talked about breaking my water the next morning so I would not have the baby in the car or at home alone. (Eleanor was born in 2 hours.) I couldn't believe I was going to be induced. Ironic, yes? My appt was all set up for the next morning. I called my labor support and family support people. All was ready for the next morning.

That night I was laying on the couch watching Project Runway (10:30pm). I had a contraction and then another. They felt different and they didn't stop. I told Jimi that we were going to end up at the hospital that night. At 11:15pm, I called my support people and told them we were heading up to OHSU to have the baby. Then we called OHSU to let them know we were coming. They were full. No room at the inn for us! I started crying and handed the phone to Jimi. The nurses ended up sending us the another hospital that was closer to us. We called the support peeps and told them of the change in plans. We left at 11:48pm for the hospital. My contractions really increased in intensity as we made the 10 minute drive. I could hear Eleanor in the backseat telling me everything was going to be okay. We got to the hospital at 11:59 pm. I got out and walked into the Birth Center. I had a contraction in the hallway, so I stopped and breathed through it.

At 12:01 am, I got into the bed and the midwife came in and checked me. (I ended up with a midwife!) I was 8cm. At this point, I said shit. Or fuck. It really could have been either word or both. Seriously, walking down the hallway at 8cm? Just breathing?? This baby was coming fast and I was scared. I asked Jimi to take E out in the hallway to wait for Leah. At some point, Savannah got there. Everything was happening really fast. Jimi came back in, and I said I wanted to go in the bathtub. The midwife said I could go in but I would have to get out to push. That didn't sound too appealing. I could hear Eleanor crying in the hallway and had a hard time focusing. She was worried that something was wrong with me or the baby. (A good friend of ours had a stillbirth 2 weeks before, and Eleanor was worried.) Savannah had a nurse go out and tell her we were fine. I sat up, and my water broke.

I kept saying I was scared, and didn't want to do this. It hurt, and I tried to keep my voice in a low pitch but I couldn't. I needed to bite on something, and thankfully Savannah got me a washcloth to chew on. I think she thought I might bite her! I may have, who knows. I felt the urge to push and it felt so good. At one point I just breathed through it and Jimi watched the baby move from my body. They asked if I wanted to touch her head. I said I'll touch her head when she is out of me! LOL I pushed a few times and she was out and on my chest. It was 12:46am. 45 minutes!! They weighed her and she weighed 9 pounds 14 ounces. I said you've got to be shitting me. Eleanor was 6 pounds 4 ounces, just a little peanut. I had a small tear, so they stitched me up.

There is more to follow this story. Like our struggle with breastfeeding, the PKU results, and some depression/anxiety thrown in for good fun. But that will come another day.

My letter about Eleanor

I wrote this for my blessing today. I wrote it to honor my relationship with my daughter Eleanor. Of course I cried throughout reading most of it. She is an awesome girl and I am lucky that she is my daughter.

***

Eleanor is a dream realized. We tried and lost and then tried and tried again for her. I wanted so much to be a mother and yet had no clue what being a mother meant. I had absolutely so idea how much I would love her and what loving her meant 4 years ago when she came into this world. I am still in awe of her. She is so sweet and yet so full of fire sometimes. She really feels her emotions and boy can they be strong!

She takes from my cup everyday, yet by the end of the day it is overflowing. She will sometimes just walk up to me and gently touch my arm. She'll say I love you my sweetheart. When I cry, she will crawl in bed with me with a cloth wipe and wipe my tears away. She'll tell me everything will be okay. For our last 2 losses, she knew what was going on. She knew that the babies had stopped growing and that made mama sad. She was so comforting. It seems strange to say that about a small child, but she really was a comfort.

There are times I feel as though I couldn't adore her anymore, and then a new day comes and I find my heart has grown for her. She has the most eclectic style of dancing I have ever seen. She loves to dance and sing with her favorite shows. She is very particular about what she will eat. I wonder where she gets that?? I used to worry that she wouldn't be assertive enough. She can be pretty easy going about someone taking her food or toy sometimes. But "actually" she has shown us that she knows exactly what she wants, how she wants it, and when. I'm not that worried anymore.

I wonder who she will become as she grows up, how she will love, what will excite her. What will her profession be, will she go away to school. I am already so proud of the person she is. I know that will only grow as she gets older, no matter what she chooses to do in life.

She is beyond thrilled to have a new baby sister on the way. She is determined that this will be her baby. She is going to feed her and sleep with her. Of course we get to change her diapers. But Eleanor said she was going to teach her to use the potty, so that will be a big help. :) I can't even begin to imagine what it will feel like to see them together. Eleanor has been my heart for 4 years, and now there will be 2 sweet girls that have my heart. I am so, so thankful for the gift of Eleanor and for the gift that is this new baby. I know that once again I will feel as though my heart couldn't be any fuller, and then I will find that it has doubled and tripled.


I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

24 weeks

24 weeks, wow! Time is going by so fast. Here are the latest belly pics and a bonus one of Jimi being a goofball. That is him sticking his belly out. Funny guy. It's funny, I keep thinking I'm not very big. Then I look at these pictures and realize I am plenty big. lol

My recent craftiness

I have been rather crafty lately. I got a new wrap skirt pattern that is super cute, so I made myself a skirt. I made a simple skirt for Eleanor from the same fabric, we'll be matching! The skirt was made for some maternity pictures with Amy but we ended up rescheduling for next month. 3rd trimester here I come!





Next I have a trade worked out with someone on Hyena Cart. I made her new baby boy a quilt and she is knitting 2 pairs of longies with some wool I sent her. I hope she loves it. I really like working on baby quilts. Maybe I should start making one for my own little one? :)





A good friend gifted me with a bunch of onesies from when her son was a baby. I decided to add some little bits of fabric to spruce them up a little. I may cut the bottoms off too, because we didn't really use onesies with Eleanor. We'll see.

















And I will leave you with a picture of my wall of fabric. I still have totes and totes of other fabrics, but these are my wovens, flannels, fleece, wool, etc.

Eleanor's 4th Birthday!

"She laid on my chest and her breathing filled me to almost beyond what I could hold."
-Story People quote

Today was Eleanor's 4th birthday. I wrapped her gifts up for her the night before, and set them out in the living room for her to find. Jimi hung up the banner of colored paper flags that I made, spelling out "Happy Birthday Eleanor!" We were all so excited for her special day to arrive. She couldn't wait to see what treasures she would find that day. Surely there would be some big changes that day, she thought. Perhaps she would grow overnight, or her voice would change? This magical age of 4. :)

I woke up early, beside myself with excitement. I decided to get up and wait patiently for Eleanor and Jimi to wake up. An hour passed and I couldn't wait anymore. Crawling next to her sweet, sleeping body I whispered, "Happy Birthday my sweet girl". (I have called her Sweet Girl since she was first born. My father in law used to tell me that I wouldn't always think she was such a sweet girl. Boy, was he ever wrong!) She opened her eyes, and told me it was so hard to be patient. She wished she could open her gifts. I told her all she had to do was wake up and she could open them! She was wide awake then!

She opened her gifts smallest to biggest. New lip gloss, the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie, a new swimsuit. Then the bigger gifts. A bike helmet, a magic set, and a guitar just like Daddy's! It came with picks and a strap that was "just her size". She loved it! She was so excited and thankful for each thing. She has been saying that she wants a ring like Mama and Daddy so that "we can all be married". So I found some adjustable toe rings that would fit her little fingers, and she was so happy to have a ring of her own. She wore one all day.





Eleanor and Jimi played guitar together, we did some magic tricks, then we headed off for Florence for the afternoon. We stopped for lunch when we got there, but she was too excited to eat anything. We went to the dunes and set up our blanket. She was off to find treasures and roll down the sand hills, squealing. She played her sandwich maker game and made some sand castles with Daddy. Then she played tag with the waves. After a few hours, we set off for home. She passed out and slept with mouth agape the whole ride home. :)











I made her cake when we got home, and Jimi's parents came over. Grandma and Grandpa got her a fishing pole! She went outside and practiced fishing with Grandpa. I don't know which one of them had more fun out there! We visited for awhile, then had cake. We all sang her Happy Birthday and she made her wish. (Mama hopes all of your wishes come true my sweet, sweet girl!) She assured me that there would be no fighting at bedtime tonight. I asked if that was because she was 4 now, and she said yes. What a sweet treat for me! I had no clue this was a perk of having a 4 year old. LOL The grandparents left and we started getting ready for bed. I could hear her struggling through the wall and chuckled at her earlier assurance of the "easy bedtime". Jimi knocked on the wall for me to come in. She was crying that she wanted to "lay with mama tonight, because I love her so much". Who could say no to that? I gladly put my arm around my sweet girl and she whispered in the dark about her day to me. She told me she loved me, and then drifted off to sleep.

She is a dream realized. I had absolutely so idea how much I would love her and what that meant 4 years ago when she came into this world. I am still in awe of her. She is so sweet and yet so full of fire sometimes. She takes from my cup everyday, yet it runneth over by the end of the day. There are times I feel as though I couldn't adore her anymore, and then a new day comes and I find my heart has grown for her. I wonder who she will become as she grows up, how she will love, what will excite her. She remembers a few of our losses and is beyond thrilled to have a new baby sister on the way. I am so, so thankful for the gift of Eleanor and for the gift that is this new baby. I know that once again I will feel as though my heart couldn't be any fuller, and then I will find that it has doubled and tripled.

Happy Birthday Eleanor, my sweet girl. Thank you for 4 years of delightful days!

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

22 weeks pic

Here I am at 22 weeks 1 day. I went to the thrift store this day looking for some newborn clothes. The checker asked if I had a little one at home too. I said my belly and said, "I have a little one still cooking right here." I thought for sure I was clearly showing! But I guess one has to be careful when assuming someone is pregnant, right?

Yay for new patterns!

I went to Joann's for some patterns that were on sale this weekend. I got a few shirt patterns for me, a dress pattern for E, a Wizard of Oz pattern set for E, and a maternity skirt/shirt/dress pattern. I am really needing some cute shirts, but I'm having zero luck finding anything in the stores. And I can't spend $20 on a shirt when I'm not pregnant. No chance on doing that now. I just can't when there are such deals to be had at thrift stores. Anyways, the shirt patterns are just too much detail for me. I'm a simple girl when it comes to sewing. Shirts have 18 different pieces to them. I don't have patience for that. So, I'm going to make some skirts (much easier) and just buy a bunch of solid tanks and tees to go with them. I might try to make a few dresses, but we'll see. :)

These are the patterns for the skirts and the dress:

Hip Skirts pattern by Favorite Things.

Dress pattern from Kwik Sew #3486:



Wrap skirt pattern from Make It Perfect:



Maternity pattern from Simplicity #4704: (I will likely just use the knit skirt pattern from this.)



And then I'll get a bunch of solid tees and tanks from American Apparel. Hopefully it works okay. :) I have a wholesale account with them, so I get a huge discount. I just can't pay full price!